Greetings from a valley, far, far away in the venerable Rocky Mountains. Every year about this time, we go on vacation…to the beach…which is nowhere near said mountains. My mind, heart, soul, spirit, & body yearn for & flourish at the beach…bonus is the amazing tan I acquire! So why the heck am I not there? Special friends in Colorado, that’s why…who we have not seen in years…& one of those friends is an incredible 96 year old woman. Her name is Mae, & when I grow up I wanna be like Mae. But seeing Mae is a wonderful package deal…we get to see her family, as well. These people may never know their true impact on me, but the moments we have spent together have been life-giving. Their hospitality, faith, laughter, & stories light me up.
Mike & I, (he is my hubs, if ya don’t know), are now spending a few days alone, entrenched in this mountain paradise. We have eaten delicious food (some of which I cooked myself), slept in, rested, hiked, had massages, played Scrabble (he won this time), & dreamed of the future. It has been every bit as glorious as the beach, only about 60 degrees cooler. Some of our discussions have been about our friends…some in Heaven, some who were present for a season, some whose paths took a different turn…& some whose relationship with us broke to pieces.
I have a long list of friends…in fact, so many that I feel I cannot properly “friend” them as they deserve. These women come from varied backgrounds, economic positions, educational levels, religious doctrines, & age. Oh, how I love them. I am a better woman because of them. A few years ago I lost the closest friendship I had ever had up to that time….not to death, although the journey of mourning since that loss has closely resembled such…but rather to a situation too complex & tender to discuss here. As a result, I rolled up the welcome-mat in my heart, much to my own detriment…until my youngest daughter announced one day, “mom, you need some friends”.
I am a flaming extrovert. I make friends in the grocery store. I prefer having a full house to time alone. I thrive on time spent with my people. Losing that friend from my innermost circle not only shattered my heart…it jaded my spirit. It cost me trust & confidence. It hurt like absolute hell. I still shed hot tears when I ruminate on the destruction of 30 years of doing all of life together. I dream of this person. And I actually run into her from time to time. Oh, the awkward pain & confusion & regret & sadness. I cannot fix this, although I have truly tried.
My daughter’s directive to basically get-a-life was the kick in the britches I needed. I started by making a list of the friendships I still had…women who truly love me & want to spend time with me….& their names were many. I was faced with the decision to open my heart back up to these other amazing, beautiful, strong females. As I let my guard ease back down, I was blown away…by what I had missed…by how starved my spirit was for the gift of their presence in my life. The poverty of my heart has since been replaced with the riches of “kesher”…the Hebrew word for connection.
Friendship…kesher…brought me to these mountains this week…caused me to give up oysters & a tan. Zero regrets. Take the chance. Vulnerability is hard, but oh-so-worth the effort. Somebody needs you in their life…& I guarantee that you need them. Till next time…
A Story Told Here... 